{"id":1345,"date":"2022-11-05T15:02:15","date_gmt":"2022-11-05T21:02:15","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/originalorknot.com\/?p=1345"},"modified":"2022-11-05T15:09:15","modified_gmt":"2022-11-05T21:09:15","slug":"why-im-not-sure-i-can-go-back-to-royal-and-annie-smith-park","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/originalorknot.com\/?p=1345","title":{"rendered":"Why I’m not sure I can go back to Royal and Annie Smith Park"},"content":{"rendered":"

I emailed this to my husband, figuring he’d be the most likely to ‘get it.’ He didn’t bother to respond, which is kind of our marriage in a nutshell.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

\n

We found out abruptly in June, 2022, that our last dog, Andy, had an advanced case of an aggressive cancer. We gave him one last day that (we hope) was great, and took him the next afternoon for his last vet visit.<\/p>\n

The sweet boy wagged his tail ’til the very<\/strong> end.<\/p>\n

His last morning, we went for a walk in our neighborhood park, Royal and Annie Smith Park.\u00a0I’ve been back to there, but only sort of. Our neighbors’ dog, Polly, stayed with us for a week while they were on vacation, and I drove her to that park to start our walks through the neighborhood (whole other story), but we didn’t walk through the park.<\/p>\n

I’m not sure I can<\/i> walk through the park again. It would be hard enough just being there, with every single spot reminding me of all the times I walked him there. Just walking there would be difficult enough, but come time to leave\u2026.<\/p>\n

Andy’s last walk, the morning of his last day, we did our regular relaxed sniffy walk (a walk\u2014like all of them with him\u2014where the dog sets the pace and leads the way by smelling anything that interests them).<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"A\u00a0 <\/a>\"A<\/a><\/div>\n
We did the big loop.<\/div>\n

\"A<\/a> \u00a0\"Andy<\/a><\/p>\n

But then, when we got back to where we parked, he stopped. For the first time ever, he stopped and looked back at the park. I wish<\/strong> I had captured the exact moment, but only got the seconds after it. He turned back to face the park and stood there briefly, just looking at it.<\/p>\n

\n

\"At\u00a0 <\/a>\"Andy<\/a><\/p>\n

Realistically, I don’t think he “knew” anything was different. Logically, I don’t think he was actually thinking back on all the times we had walked there. Intellectually, I don’t think he was pausing to take in that moment, or that he was saying goodbye.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

But that’s sure what it looked like.<\/div>\n
\"Andy<\/a><\/div>\n
For a long time, I had to be careful to not even glance at that spot when I drove by. Maybe some day I’ll be able to go there without being overwhelmed by grief all over again.<\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

But it’s not going to be any time too soon.<\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

Rest in peace, Andy Bear. You’ll be in my heart until the moment (I hope)<\/em> I join you.<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I emailed this to my husband, figuring he’d be the most likely to ‘get it.’ He didn’t bother to respond, which is kind of our marriage in a nutshell. We found out abruptly in June, 2022, that our last dog, Andy, had an advanced case of an aggressive cancer. We gave him one last day […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/originalorknot.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1345"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/originalorknot.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/originalorknot.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/originalorknot.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/originalorknot.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1345"}],"version-history":[{"count":24,"href":"https:\/\/originalorknot.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1345\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1377,"href":"https:\/\/originalorknot.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1345\/revisions\/1377"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/originalorknot.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1345"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/originalorknot.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1345"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/originalorknot.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1345"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}