Stick a fork in me

These are the facts:

For twelve years, we had a king-size Select Comfort/Sleep Number bed that was pretty tall. We have dogs who like to sleep with us (and we like it, too), so we put an upholstered bench at the foot of the bed, with a set of doggy stairs up to the bench, so they could easily get on and off the bed.

We recently got a new, even taller bed (an adjustable king-size Select Comfort/Sleep Number) and, at the same time, new flooring. Since the bed is taller, the dogs really need the steps & bench to get up to the bed.

The new flooring is lovely, smooth LVP. The bench and doggy steps slide on it fairly easily, so the dogs don’t like jumping up on them any more. So, instead, they pace around the foot of the bed, nails clicking, whining because they can’t get to us. While we’re trying to sleep.

I measured, researched, then went out and bought a rug (and non-slip pad) to hold everything in place. Even though it would complicate my daily Swiffering of the new floor, we wanted the dogs to be happy because we’re just like that. And also because we’d like to be able to sleep.

I put the rug in place yesterday evening. The rug is not orange (you’ll see in a minute why that matters).

We have a cat with megacolon. (She’s had it for several years, and has been doing quite well, thank you for asking.) She gets a spoonful of canned pumpkin, with Miralax and medication mixed in it, with every meal. Every now and then, she throws up, which we believe is an unfortunate side effect of her medication.

This morning was one of the times she got sick. Threw up her food, medication…and pumpkin. Orange pumpkin. Intense, indelibly orange pumpkin.

One guess where she puked. Twice, once on each side of the bench. Not just on the brand new rug, but in the precise middle, front to back, of it, so that turning it around won’t hide the spots at all. They’d be just as noticeable, only having traded sides.

It would be enough for that to be the punchline of it all, but the real kicker is that the dogs still refuse to use the doggy steps and bench.

As the joke goes, I ❤ my pets. Sometimes I’d also like to ♣︎ them.

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